America's Dumbest Criminals by Daniel Butler

By Daniel Butler

This hysterical number of tales of tangible crimes dedicated by means of clumsy crooks and fumbling felons can have you giggling out loud at painfully dumb makes an attempt at crime. Illustrated.

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A man was protesting in a shrill voice. “I didn’t start the fight. Some jerk was hitting on my wife, and she didn’t like it. Well, I didn’t like it either, so I just . . ” “Yes, sir,” another voice answered calmly. “We’ll get all of that sorted out down at the police station. ” “He’s the one you ought to be arresting . . ” The man was still muttering as he swung open the door of his brown Pontiac Bonneville. Terry Jarnigan blinked as the dome light came on, and the car’s owner jumped back and yelled.

Hatfield asked. “I got the first installment, which was ninety-four thousand dollars. I went to Atlantic City and lost thirty thousand. ” According to Hatfield’s calculations, the man had frittered away most of his first installment, but not all. B. Officer Glen Biggs of the Knoxville (Tennessee) Police Department had a close encounter of the dumb criminal kind when he was booking a suspect on a narcotics violation. ” The two customers headed back to their pickup, oblivious to the uniformed officers and the two marked police cruisers in the driveway.

II. Ray, Alan. III. Title. 1'092'273—dc20 [B] 95–30052 CIP Printed in the United States of America. 99 98 97 96 95 3 4 5 To the men and women whose portraits and photographs hang in the lobby of every police station we visited— officers who were killed in the line of duty. Under all the portraits and photos, the same quote was displayed: “Greater love hath no man than this . ” Contents Introduction 1 Never Mind 2 The World’s Shortest Trial 3 Look Out! He’s Got a What Is That? D. B. ” 16 Junior Meets the Sandman 17 Write On!

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